well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize