I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
