Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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