She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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