Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
