I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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