I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
