I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
