i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
if only i could text you this smell
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
