its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
