its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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