Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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