Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize