All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
