First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
