i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
