Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
