we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
