and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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