I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Pants are for mortals
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
