I love black thongs
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
