i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
