New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Randomize
