at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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