You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
