bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Floor bacon is actually really good
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
