he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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