Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize