Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
