Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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