I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
