i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
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