yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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