the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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