You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
