you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just gift wrapped bread.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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