i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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