My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize