Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I want her autograph on my taint
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
as a side note pls kill me
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
