I wish I could punch you in the face.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize