i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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