I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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