I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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