Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
