I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
