Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
zippers are such a cool invention
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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