Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
