Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize