I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
