if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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