Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize