I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
