Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
