The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
