doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
