I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
