it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I wish there were birth control emojis
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
