There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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