yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
You work out of a Hotel?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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