Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
