So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
