We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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