Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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