I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
