Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
