Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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