my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
