Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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