fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
