YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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