This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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