i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
